Wedding table names: From the mind of my new wife.

Posted on Jun 8, 2016
Wedding table names: From the mind of my new wife.

When my wife Laura and I first met, we were both working for Bauer Media, who publish magazines like Grazia, Empire and FHM before they closed. In the early, flirty stages, Laura would sometimes set me little design challenges during the day. She would usually ask me to create some sort of peculiar scene in which an animal is performing a human task. For example…

“Design me a cowboy sloth, wielding a trident at a piñata.”

Mental. So on our wedding day, we used this as a nice idea for our table names. I was allowed to spend no longer than 15 minutes creating 10 of these little hybrid beasts, all from the imagination of my wife. We framed each of these creations and placed them on our guests’ tables. We got a few funny looks, but most people had a lot of fun trying to find where they were sitting, especially as distinguishing between a ‘lion-sized duck’ and a ‘duck-sized lion’ after a few glasses of champagne is quite the challenge!


A tipsy Tyrannosaurus rex winding up a jack in the box


A cowboy sloth wielding a trident at a piñata


A mad scientist porcupine playing basketball with a balloon


A duck-sized lion


A lion-sized duck


A giant Lady (Laura’s mum’s dog) sipping an espresso martini at the Mad Hatter’s tea party


A football fantatic hamster arriving at a cocktail party full of emperor penguins


A Marvel fanatic gummy bear escaping a factory explosion in slow mo


A goat with braces tries to get popcorn out of his teeth at the movies


A surfer cat becomes scared for his life when a menacing cucumber starts circling around him